I'm sure we have all either called in sick or have been in a situation where folks called us up with their reasons for being sick. I'm in that situation now. I've heard some pretty crazy excuses, the worse one I won't even post because some folks think it's too disgusting. So this is a post for the wildest and craziest and outlandish excuses that you ever heard or used... now be brave, let us know if you heard the excuse or used it!
I'll start, a guy called in on a Monday because over the weekend he was bored and didn't have anything to do so he took the steering wheel column a part on his car and put it back together. However, when he started to drive it, every time he made a right turn the horn would blow and stay on until he completed the turn and straighten the wheel... He spent all weekend trying to fix it and decided to call in Monday that he had to take the car into the shop.
Trust me, I've a million of them all true that these folks tell me! But I'll just post one at a time LOL
Well, I have never called in sick for any bogus reason. I know I've heard a few doozies. Like they couldn't go into work cause they had to take their dog to the vet. That's worth losing a whole day over? yeah, right!
oh yeah, I've a staffer like that, called in one morning because the dog was having projectile vomiting all weekend, decided to wait till Monday to take him to the vet and then it took all day... Jeesh...plus they had to describe the protein spill in graphical terms yeck... like I really want to hear that
Hmmm. Since I work on a construction site here in So Cal, when the Mexicans had their, walk out a few months ago, they just didn't show up because they felt it was illegal Alien appreciation day. Well, the next day we told them not to show up for a week (a week off without pay) and if we didn't find a replacement for them we'd hire them back at less pay then they were making. I think more businesses should do that!
Here's the latests, one of the team calls my voice mail on Sunday and leaves a message for me on Monday that they won't be in because they have to take their 14 year old in for school registration.
1. I know I've been out of school for a while but is it really an all day event.
2. Didn't they know before Sunday that they had to take the day off.
Now early this morning (tuesday) they call again and their jeep won't start so they need to take another whole day off.
1. The older son, who is not in school is going to take her to the car dealership (what about driving her to work?)
2. There's at least two other members of the team that drive within .5 miles of her house that she has their personal numbers that she could call and they would be more then happy to pick her up.
sigh.
I used this joke when i had to do a leave presentation policy to teh Senior managers. I must say I have heard plenty - I usually say ok go ahead and penalised them when it comes to yearly evaluations, the employees r here more usually work more....We used to have employees called in sick and they r stupid eno to be found out when u switch yr TV on and they r playing extras, and teh Dept has a policy against working outside te public service. Every month people used to take a day off to go to the movies and got found out. Lucky us, our management here has instituted teh monthly half day to do whatever wewant to do, that is also not eno.
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES SUBJECT: SICK LEAVE POLICY
* SICKNESS No excuse...We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof. We believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
* AN OPERATION We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may need an operation. We believe that as long as you are an employee here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for.
* DEATH 1. Other than your own, this is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else can attend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon, we will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently let you leave 1 hour early, provided your share of the work is ahead enough to keep the job going in your absence.
2. Your own: This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as we feel it is your duty to train your replacement.
ALSO Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00-8:15, and so on. If you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again.
We appreciate your cooperation,
THE MANAGEMENT
And my favorite all time excuse for not coming to work, and this was told to me by one of my female employees... I won't be into work because my girlfriend and I are going sperm shopping!!!
At one time in my colorful career I was chef at a large hotel. It was a large kitchen and, of course, had a lot of employees. One of the breakfast cooks was an alcoholic who often called in sick because he had a toothache and needed to get a tooth pulled. The next day he would show up with what appeared to be a legitimate form indicating that he had been treated at a dentist. However, at one point it occurred to me that he had more teeth in his head than he should if he was having all these teeth pulled. So I went back and audited his excuses going back two years. In that two year period he had supposedly had 48 teeth extracted (you have 36 if you have all of them) and he still had teeth in his head!! I pointed this out to him when I fired him for abusing the sick leave policy.
Now that's funny. I don't have any stories like that, I did have to fire someone after just two days because they weren't doing their work and they closed the shop down 1/2 way through their shift because one of their friends wanted them to go bar hopping.
Now there's a really good reason to leave work early, especially if you are the only one there! I have heard some really good excuses over the years, but the best one wasn't for an absence. Long ago and far away I was a college professor of psychology. In that capacity I was assigned to monitor and advise the progress of certain Master's degree students working on their theses. One of my advisees was not making much progress, so one semester I sat him down and told him that we were going to draw up a schedule of deadlines and that he had to meet them all or I would terminate him as an advisee. As we went through the semester he was making really good progress and meeting all his deadlines. He had an appointment at 4 p.m. on a Friday to bring me a final draft of his work. I waited in my office for him and he never appeared. After a time I gave up and went home. The following Monday he appeared, carrying the document and walking really funny. Turned out he had had a vasectomy on Thursday and had seriously underestimated the amount of pain involved. How the pain from a vasectomy interfered with his dialing finger, I don't know, but the story was so original that I let him get away with it and accepted his thesis.